I needed to pick a couple of people for our newest project team today, and was going through applications. Out of the 11 post-interview choices, 9 mentioned 'ability to take feedback' (or something of the sort) as their strength. I cross-checked: yes, I, too, have that in my CV. Good, competitive intellgence works.
Unfortunately, until today I probably met less than 10 people who have shown that they can develop and improve based on outside opinion. Maybe feedback is more challenging than it seems.
Challenge 1: Feedback forgets that we are all different
I believe that feedback is closely related to cultural awareness and understanding that people are different. They preach, pray and play differently, as well. Lacking this understanding is barrier number 1 to both: taking and receiving feedback. Millions of publications discuss the cultural awareness issue. Read some, discuss them in diverse groups, and develop your own understanding.
Challenge 2: Feedback has no idea how to define itself
Due to its newly-discovered popularity, feedback seems to be present everywhere. Little that we realise, though, that not everything that shines is gold, and not everything that criticises is feedback. Definitions are very important here: in order to react to feedback adequately, we need to be able to differentiate between 'constructuve criticism' and 'bitchiness'.
One has to develop a personal definition of feedback, that sums in a few simple rules. If the comment does not meet one of those rules, then:
a) you're more than welcome to take it personally (and get angry about it) or ignore it (and forget about it) - it is simply not feedback;
b) you're more than welcome to make the comment anyway (with all associated risks), but don't lie to yourself and your audience by calling it feedback - it is simply not feedback.
As an example, here is my personal Feedback Wizard:
1. Goal Drive: The comment has to actually correspond to the question. Always pay attention to detail in this case. The answer to "What do you think about my pancakes? I was trying out a new recipe." cannot be "Well, it is better than the caserole you made the other night. You should really add less salt to the potatoes"
2. Info Drive: The comment must come from an adequate person and must be based on facts. In that sense, the person has enough information to give useful advice instead of what-ifs which might be useless.
3. Results Drive: The comment must actually propose an alternative to the element under criticism. The idea of the feedback is to propose ways to improve: constructively, duh. If a person giving feedback admits "I really don't know how this can be improved", this is also a great result: it shows you that you need to search for additional info/perspective/ideas, etc without discouraging you.
4. Attitude Drive: The comment must be communicated adequately. Feedback is all about words because it defines relationships and plays on human emotions. Nobody's perfect. Arrogance and blame just makes it worse.
Challenge 3: Feedback kills basic human reactions
It is in our nature to defend ourselves when sensing threat: physical, emotional, or verbal. This is why it is so normal to us to say "This is not true" when criticised. In this case, many people forget that you are not obliged to blindly follow every feedback. Taking feedback doesn't mean doing-what-told, but getting-better-at. People will not feel offended if you don't follow their feedback,as long as you have your reasons and are still on the improvement track. If they still do get offended, then you can give them some constructive feedback about giving feedback.
Again, there are several little things that one can do in order to learn how to take feedback more openly:
1. Listen. The initial reaction is to defend yourself with words: force yourself not to. Wait until the end of the feedback before speaking.
2. Understand. After you've listened quietly and carefully, clarify things which are not comprehensible enough - details, technicalities, facts.
3. Smile and Say Thank You. At the end of the feedback, smile and say thank you. Make this your rule every time, even if you disagree.
4. Breathe. Now you have the complete picture. There is nothing wrong with taking some time and thinking over it. Make sure that you are calm. If you receive the feedback by non-verbal communication, eg - email, don't be tempted to reply right away. You will then be able to really look deeply into the situation and make the right decision.5. Separate. The feedback always relates to only part of your life: work, social life, family, looks, etc. We often think that if somebody says we need to our work better that means we are also bad at other things - but this is not true. Separate personal from professional like you would in order situations.
6. Act. The feedback is nothing without the action that follows it. Build on the experience.
7. Appreciate. After some time, inform the person that gave you the feedback of the actions taken. It doesn't matter if you followed or not their feedback - they would appreciate the fact that you have listened and remembered, and would encourage them to be open and honest in the future.
Challenge 4: Feedback does not always remember about simple communication
Attutude is extremely important when giving feedback. You have to sell your feedback, just like you sell your ideas. Not only are you helping a fellow human being in their improvement, you are also gaining trust and recognition for yourself and your abilities as a communicator.
The best advice here is to follow the Golden Rule: put yourself in the position of the feedback-receiver and think of the most appropriate way of hearing what you have to say. Then also remember about that cultural element and diversity.
The Sandwich Method is probably the most popular feedback technique:
- Recognise the work so far (positive)
- Criticise the improvement areas (negative)
- Suggest solutions and encourage for the future (positive)
I personally like the approach, however I would add two more elements to complete the cycle:
- Discuss the solutions, identify the work together (positive prevention)
- Ask for advice or feedback for yourself - showing a weakness in this sense is a real step forward (positive learning)
